spunk whores get their come-uppance

first of all, i apologise - the computer i'm stealing internet time from doesn't have a working shift key, so if this all looks particularly quiet and shy, that's why.

the wonky shift key and me is not the reason i logged in - spunk whore might be a bit strong a term for me, but apparently, and hilariously, www.spermfortickets.com have hit a spot of bother. their current sticky situation is entirely of their own making - they're a sperm bank that desperately needed to pump its reservoir of healthy male jizz. so desperate were they that they set up spermfortickets.com and offered a bit of an incentive for spunky young men to donate a drop of their dna: free tickets to any european music festival.

seeing a money shot like this on the internet meant that all the potential donors tipped each other off (apparently this doesn't make you gay) and now the poor clinic can't deal with the tidal wave of donations they're receiving and are having to end the offer. to keep it topical, they screen all donations for communicable diseases (does this mean they're in breach of the dda by offering tickets but denying them to hiv positive men?) and they'll refuse festival tickets to anyone with disabled or otherwise genetically substandard spaff. they say most of their doners are students.

so fertility clinics don't want you to have a deaf baby but would much rather you bore the genes of a greasy drug-fucked stoner whose main contribution to your family is that he masturbates so he can go and get covered in mud, take too many pills and wake up with vomit in his deadlocks.

they say they keep the sperm for about six months to make sure there's no chance of it having diseases in it - reminds me of all those urban myths about jimmy summerville getting an x-ray that showed all of his insides were pasted white from his horrific addiction to spunk. i wonder who the modern day walking sperm nursery would be...

did any of you manage to make a 'submission' in time to be going to a festival for the price of a hand shandy?