Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Lower Rate Care

So, I've been "awarded" the Lower Rate Care component of Disability Living Allowance whereby £17 a week is meant to cover the joy of not being able to do stuff. It's not much, but it's something. Apparently, I also get more money because it's more tragic when young people get incapacitated.

Anyway, so, in the spirit of being incapable, we went to Hard On at the weekend. It just seemed like a good idea at the time, so along we pootled to the big strange world of gay sex clubs and I got drinking the coca-cola because I didn't think mixing alcohol with dihydrocodeine and ketoprofen was a terrifically good idea in a place like that.

Turns out, though, that caffeine and codeine was even clevererer as an idea. Who knew that mixing stimulants and opiates made for a home-brew speedball? Well, I certainly do now. At first, I thought I was just unusually relaxed and chatty, then I was a bit too flighty to talk to people so assumed that I should go look around the dark room. Now, it's dark enough to lower your standards but not so dark you can't tell what's happening.

So, I'm stood there shooshing away some strange man's creepy grab at my arse and taking in the scene. All through the room there's men in slings getting fisted, men getting fucked against the walls, men giving and getting head in fleshy, sweaty knots all over the place. On the far wall, they're showing porn with a medical theme that involved some very odd equipment going in places it probably shouldn't. All this to the sound of pounding techno music.

I got the giggles.

Suddenly, it struck me that many of the men were so off their faces that they were fucking in time to the german techno music by the light of something that looked more and more like a scene from Carry On, Doctor! and the sexy, sweaty magic was gone.

I don't think I've ever had as much fun there as I did on Saturday night. Talking to other guys, I was hearing about how many men they'd fucked (I was setting people special targets, a kind of sex-bingo) and how raunchy and wild it all was. It just seemed funnier and funnier as you went outside and heard all the lisps and the talk of shopping and shoes returning and the whole thing seemed like some very peculiar farce.

I love painkillers and sex clubs; they bring me far more joy than disability living allowance ever can. Oh! I've got a work-focused interview on Friday and I need to arrange some kind of assessment of entitlement to see if getting Disability Living Allowance means I suddenly get anything extra or special.


Robin said...

You mean a sense of the rediculous and sexiness are mutually exclusive? Surely not!

call paul said...

What's a dark room?

erik said...

It sounds like life was imitating an art film. ;-)