Wednesday, July 30, 2008


I'm discovering the truth of something I'd been told. When you have a disability, you lose a hell of a lot of the sense of ownership of your body. If you're not getting help filling in forms asking if you can wipe your own bottom without help or having people take a hold of you and telling you to relax while they prod and poke the bits that hurt and tell you their theories of what you've done wrong - even when you're free of medicine, your body still isn't your own. Some days you're betrayed from the inside and even the most routine tasks suddenly become impossible. When you can't open doors or lift a coffee cup because of the agony it sends blazing through your muscles, you feel old, like you're wearing a mask of aged frailty and your youth is a shell rotting from the inside.

So, today, this is my self-portrait. Having a moment of camera catharsis to help cope with the sense of the relentlessness of it all.


czechOUT said...


have you seen "Counterfeit Skin", the play about toy-boys, rent-boys, sugar daddies and Gaydar?

On at the Courtyard 'til Sunday.

BTW, have you discounted the FLX I was going to send your way?


Tom Gaylord said...

awww Howard, chin up! Happy pics! I was in London for a whopping 24 hours for job interviews....... I will make contact when I make the move there in a few weeks and cheer you up with beer and porn and stuff?