Instead, though, I'm finding myself feeling a bit down today. Having so little money at the moment is a bit of a constant slap in the face. Although I'm recovering well from the surgery and getting back into shape (hence the photo), my arm's still stiff and the scar is tight and restricts my movement. I'm also musing about how people interact and how little I'm liking it.
Things I guess I've learned this last week:
1: I find it really awkward to talk to people about their exciting art ideas when they can't articulate what they are or why they're doing them. I then feel quite guilty that the things I want to do are quite clearly defined and I'm getting on with doing them.
2: I'm growing increasingly impatient with the idea that when you're in a group, you should behave differently to when you're with one other person or on your own. I used to love the situations where you shout over one another with quotes from obscure TV shows and dig at one another constantly as a mechanism for showing group cohesion and friendship. I'd rather let people finish their sentence and be honest about what they think, rather than what they can regurgitate from someone else's banter.
3: There really is very little difference between different types of drunks in the park most of the time, but the drug-fucked monkeys out the back of the Vauxhall Tavern are less fun to be around than the gangs of drunks with their cans of red stripe at the ready at 8am in Ravenscourt Park. At least the red stripe brigade don't try to pretend they're being bohemian.
4: I try really hard to not be a body fascist, a snob or a bully, but I'm not very good at it sometimes. Particularly when it comes to dealing with who I do and don't fancy. I'm quite comfortable now with the idea that fitness and stuff is really important to me, personally, and that it's fine if other people don't see it the same way, but I only really fancy guys who are slim, defined or athletic. I'm wondering if I'm just a bad person that attractiveness seems to just vanish above a certain BMI.
5: I don't mind my own company so much.
Oh. Yeah, it's June. I'm feeling older again. Back to the drawing board.