I picked up another portrait commission yesterday, and it looks set to pay really well. The struggle I always have with commissions is to remember that people are paying to get something I've made, rather than something that I think will please them most. Going into Magma yesterday and looking at the books of the 200 Best Illustrators and the like just added to how intimidated I feel when I think about my drawing.
It's a funny cycle, going into shops like that. There's so much incredible talent in those books, on those postcards and in the cute plushy toys that I get a gnawing sense of dread that by doing this course I'm meant to be operating at an equivalent level to these artists and I start to wonder if I'm doing the right thing, or if the course leader made some insane mistake in letting me join the course with such ease.
Then, I see a single drawing that captures something emotional and evocative in a book - sometimes it's a brilliantly complicated and realistic drawing, but more often it's something where you can see the motion of a human hand in its creation. Then, I stop and wonder if I'm being blinded by science when I see the splashy and technically advanced stuff I couldn't replicate without years of photoshop practice and I find myself cooing over a little drawing of a mouse or a fashion illustration of an incredibly thin woman whose body is expressed as two almost straight lines and her eyes carry a story of pain and entanglement.
I guess it's like anything, it's not what you've got, it's how you use it. I'm just hoping that it's not an unrealistic desire to want to attain a standard where my drawing supports and enhances, rather than hinders communication and storytelling. I'm nervous, but it's born of a desire to do what I do better, rather than a desire to be or do something different.