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Sunday, August 30, 2009

Baby Bio: Vauxhall goes gurn-crazy for Plant Food

Oh, the gays do make me laugh. Apparently the new fun drug that's going around is mephedrone, which is currently legal, even though it could be analogous to controlled substances. Enterprising websites have sprung up all over the place, but what's really rather amusing is that the sites which sell it are packaging it as plant food so it can be posted out to customers, along with a warning that they're not to stuff it up their noses as it makes people gurn.

I'd not heard from anyone who'd tried it until this weekend (although obviously I knew it was around, just not what it does), when two different people told me about it. I guess it's the bank holiday effect that's making all the kids go crazy on plant food.

What is it like? One person said it was like Parma Violets crushed up with speed, saying it woke him up a bit, made everything a bit swimmy and then got boring. The other person said it had a brief euphoric effect, then made for wobbly legs and a disinhibitory/aphrodisiac effect. Apparently the hangover's not terrifically pretty either.

Meh, I don't care, I'm not going to take it, but it just makes me laugh to think about the clubs being full of muscular, raunchy men, dancing all sweaty and topless, snogging and groping each other, all the while snorting a little bump of Baby Bio to make it all seem a little bit less like they're spending eight hours standing on one foot and then the other, staring at a few flashing lights.

It reminds me of when I was about 12 and I convinced the other boys who couldn't be arsed with sports day that they should try to smoke grass. One handful of wet turf, rolled in a page from a Tricolore French textbook and bingo, the asthmatic kid who suffered more from gullibility than any respiratory difficulties managed to get out of the four by four hundred relay. I think I had to do the hundred metre sprint, though.

So, rekindle my school days and let me be an enabler. Go out there and jack up Baby Bio, kiddies.

Um. My weekend wasn't spent gurning in Fire or getting punch fucked by a queue of men in Hidden, instead I went to Duckie, had a free lunch at Smollensky's and walked through Ravencourt Park and was surrounded by bats. Bruce Wayne's a twat if he was scared of them, they're beautiful and so incredibly agile.

I don't think they snort Baby Bio, though. Go do it for the bats.

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