Happy Face

Happy Face, originally uploaded by zombiecoterie.

See, now this is the kind of thing I'd been hoping to find when I was looking for ulnar decompression scars on google. Hopefully, it'll amuse and reassure anyone else who's having the op to know they will end up with an elbow that looks like a grinning worm.

I may not heal as fast as Wolverine, but I'm taller and better looking, so he can shut his furry little face and throw himself ineffectually at yet another bad guy.

My new graphics tablet arrived on Friday. I'm having so much fun getting used to it. Now I've found a reasonably good pencil equivalent, I'm really happy with what I'm drawing on it, but I'm going to wait a while (I know, me, wait?!) before posting the results online for you all to see. Since then, I've had two final demands for bills and another twenty letters from British Gas asking me to return to them because I'm such a valued customer. Heh. I have so little money it's quite unfunny at the moment.

I've had such a relaxing, social week, though, I can't complain that I'm poor and can't afford anything ever again. After an entire week of lunching and coffee-ing with friends and sketching stuff on my travels, I've continued in the same vein this weekend - Friday night was Pie and Mash, which was the usual maelstrom of people I sort of know online and people I sort of get confused by, both online and in reality. Yesterday, went for another long walk by the Thames with Jonathan and Niall, walking from here to Putney and then falling asleep when I got home.

Then, our neighbour, Sachin, popped around to talk about evolutionary rationales for aliens having super powers, working the Fast Track with the Civil Service and then he ran away before Jonathan and I watched Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Seems Sachin, once again, had the right idea.

Cazz is coming round for lunch today, then another promenade - I'm hoping we can point out the local sights like the bag lady who lives in a car and the stupidly muscular jogger who runs up and down the high road with a cute ikkle puppy running next to him. They make a very cute pair.

The week ahead is all about getting back to work, catching up on things I've promised people and generally talking business again. Well, if business means drawing cute baby badger pictures, that is.

How to Remove Surgical Staples

How to Remove Surgical Staples, originally uploaded by zombiecoterie.

Apparently, you distract the nurse a lot by telling her jokes and taking photos with your phone! Stung a lot for an hour or two after; feels much better now, but I'm taking it easy today.

London MCM Expo

Free Hugs is a bit creepy.

So, this weekend's been the London MCM Expo, where comics, computer games, anime, manga and cosplay all descended on the ExCeL centre in East London.  I don't think I've been a part of a busier event!  Yesterday was frantic; we barely had time to play Cosplay Bingo (luckily, it was exceptionally easy to get close to a full house, thanks to there being so many cosplayers out) and we sold out of copies of Badger by the early afternoon.  I'll have to order some more from the printers now, I think!  We also sold quite a few badges and framed art from Badger, as well as quite a few comics, but we really missed a trick with not having more toys on the table for people to buy.  I'm hoping that by this time next year, I'll have come up with more than a few awesome plush wonders for people to have.

The Comics/Anime village was lovely, if a little swamped by the noise from all the other stuff going on.  It's hard to work out what shy people are saying when there's screaming cosplayers, panel debates and computer games nearby.  That said, we managed fine and everyone was lovely whenever I admitted I'd no idea what they'd said, or when I had to show off my scar to answer why I wasn't doing sketches for people.  The staples were annoying me, catching on my clothes and the edge of the table.  I'm really looking forward to them being taken out of my arm soon.

I got to talk to so many people whose work I adore, in particular, it was great to get to talk to the lovely lady who wrote Prick and to tell her how sad the stories in there made me with the brutal woodland philosophy of love, death and the sorry fate of a cucumber.  She's wonderful and so is her work, so hunt it down if you've not seen it already.

It wasn't until this afternoon that I plucked up the courage to go and talk to one of my absolute idols in the comics world, Nick Abadzis, the creator of Laika.  I bought a poster that he signed and it's already up on the wall.  I adore his work, the level of detail that goes into the script, the way it's so obviously a labour of love and the wonderful way it's all constructed to move towards the only part of the story we all really feel we know, that shadow making the whole book all the more heart-breaking.

Much to my surprise, he and I got talking and I did the totally sad thing of showing him my portfolio.  He made some really positive and constructive comments about it, which has given me an incredible boost and just five minutes chatting with him has given me a lot of useful insight into the industry that I've been struggling to work out on my own.  I've got a lot to learn, I realise that, but when people you idolise say they like your work and that it's really worth pushing yourself to carry on, then it makes it all seem far more worthwhile.

I've got one hell of a To Do list at the moment and I'm glad that there's a little break before the next comics event (the London Underground Comics event at the 176 Gallery next month) because it gives me a bit of breathing space to try to get my house in order.  I've had quite a lot to reflect on this weekend, about the industry, about how I need an identifiable brand and style, how I've published some things in a bit of a hurry and how much I'd like to slow it down a bit and be able to put a little more care and love into what I produce so I can really keep pushing myself to produce better and better work.

That said, I'm coming to realise that these crises of confidence where I sit there and contemplate just giving up and that I should go and get a job stacking shelves where I'd have more money than selling comics, these little blips that feel like nadirs, are actually a really important part of the creative process for me.  I think it's making me realise that I do make a choice to keep doing this and that it's important to me and that I do gain something from it all that actually matters to me.

And then, from nowhere, I started drawing something I never thought I would - more of Badger's story.  I need to sort out my website first, my web shop, my stock of stuff to sell and everything like that, but I'm pleased to sneakily announce that I'm working on a prequel to the book that I made last year.  Badger broke your heart?  Wait until you see him growing up.

Fingers crossed I can work out a way of putting it online in a format that works well.  Be prepared for a few plaintive twitter messages as I get stuck working out how to do it and I'm sure I'll throw my ergonomic keyboard out of the window a few times before I have an online portfolio, but I can promise you all now:

There's more to come from badger and, hopefully, it'll come soon.

What a good weekend, eh?

Cyclops

Cyclops, originally uploaded by zombiecoterie.

It's healing so very cleanly. I'm impressed! However, I'm still in the phase where it's all I see, covers everything; twenty staples caging in the frightening question of what to do once it's healed? This injury's put my life on hold for a year, going back to my old career would be difficult and possibly dangerous, but my new one's a long way off making me anything approaching a living.

While I see through this one, narrow eye, I have no perspective on it, so need to see my life through the eyes of others. All I see is damage and loss, locked in blood and metal, soon to be gone. The question of what to do next itches far more than the staples have done. What to do, what to be, what to become?

Healing.

Healing., originally uploaded by zombiecoterie.

Yesterday, my arm was really sore, puffy and yellow, with limited movement. I ate more than I think I've ever eaten in a day, apart from that birthday when I was young and I'd asked that my birthday present was to eat so many eclairs I'd be sick. Actually, I think I ate more than that yesterday; there was an eclair in there somewhere.

Today, though, we changed the dressing again and the swelling's gone down, the colour was only bruised in the crinkles in the dressing and I've more or less returned to normal again. Or whatever variation of normal applies for me. I can make myself a cup of coffee, I can tie my own laces, I can tinker with top secret projects in photoshop for sad singers in Hungary. It's all very exciting stuff.

This weekend, I'll be at the MCM Expo, a big comics event at the Excel centre in East London. It's a two day affair, so I'm hoping I'll be able to stick it out. I don't think I'll be able to do much drawing if anyone asks for sketches there and then, but I should be able to muster a game or two of Cosplay Bingo, so it should all be okay.

Anyway, just checking in to let you all gawp. The other awesome thing is just how slimming surgery is. I swear I've got a lot thinner, despite eating five times what I'd usually eat. If I ever feel like I need to lose weight, I'm not going on a diet, I'll just go crazy with a stapler on my arms. Rah!

Dear British Gas

Perhaps if you wanted to woo me back to being a customer of yours, perhaps I might have been more inclined to believe your new-found green credentials if you hadn't sent me the exact same letter, information pack and booklet "We Would Like You To Stay With Us" twelve times. You're like a one-night stand I wish I hadn't given my number to. Stop calling me, it was a pity fuck and I'm regretting it more with every plaintive letter you send me.

Best regards,

Howard

Peekaboo!

Peekaboo!, originally uploaded by zombiecoterie.

Getting better sooner than expected, but it still hurt like fuck to take the dressings off this and change them over. Luckily, lots of reassuring messages and promises of visits have been helping a lot, plus a skype call from a far away friend which cheered me up far more than I expected.

Ulnar Decompression

Ulnar Decompression, originally uploaded by zombiecoterie.

So, I went in for surgery yesterday, took some silly photos of me in a hospital gown on Jonathan's iPhone, but haven't got them from him yet. The op was okay; I was having a laugh with the staff when I went into theatre, was asked to lay my (already numb) arm onto a slab and heard my heart rate rise. I turned to the woman who was in charge of drugs and said, "I can hear my heart rate going up, I guess I must be a little nervous now."

She nodded, "You're in an operating theatre, I think it's understandable."

I smiled, "And I was so chuffed with my low resting heart rate a moment ago."

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll sort it out for you."

Then I remember hearing the radio playing "I Know I Need to be in Love" by The Carpenters, and then next thing I knew it was quite a bit later and I was waking up and asking where Jonathan was.

My arm was dead, still, but I was impatient in the ward, tried to get up and to prove I could walk, did a little tapdance, then felt so sick they had to give me morphine. Damn my short attention span.

Went home in my mum's car, finding out on the way that she'd never seen Bring It On, so remedied that as soon as we were back to the flat. Still couldn't feel or move my right arm, other than the occasional lance of pain from the wound, so dinner was a bit tricky, but Jonathan helped out.

Early night, lying carefully on one side, waking up a couple of times for painkillers and once for a little cry, then by this morning could move my hand and, more excitingly, feel my ring and little finger! This is making me very happy.

Now, I'm tired but bored of being housebound. Went out for lunch (I am ravenously hungry) and then had to sleep for three hours as fit punishment for such audacity. Jonathan's still sleeping, I think the whole affair's been quite draining for him, too.

I can take off the bandage tomorrow and should have the stitches out in a fortnight, then a follow-up at the hospital in three weeks and then hopefully all will be well and I can get back to the swimming pool, gym and job-hunting.

I'm really hoping I'll be able to draw in a few days, I've got so many cool things lined up!

Eagle Awards

Awards are silly, but just in case they are your thing, the nominations for the 2008 Eagle Awards are now open. Badger would count as a British Black and White comic, but I'm assuming that the winning entry is somewhat unlikely to have come from the small presses when it's a popularity contest, so I'm not going to be hugely offended if you choose to vote for something where death rays burn the world and then it's saved at the last moment by a time travelling man in lycra.

Go vote yourselves silly, people!

Starting to Take Shape

Starting to Take Shape, originally uploaded by zombiecoterie.

11am, Malmö. Working on a commission for a friend who offered me a wall to paint on in his office. The dappled surface is a challenge that I'm starting to work with now, using a sponge brush and it's looking pleasingly like charcoal on paper. I'll keep updating you every few hours so you can see it take shape.

There'll be a crouched figure on the left, who the animals will be looking over towards. Not that everything I make is an autobiography of anxiety or anything, but he'll look a lot like me.