Sigh

Oh, I'm tired.  The sultry heat rising from the tarmac, beating down from the sun, heating the air to a hazy blur.  It's hard to sleep in the best conditions when you're in a bed with someone whose leg is in a cast.  Every time he rolls over, it's like being hit by a brick.  Add to that the rather gross joy that the NHS Direct people think I might have a kidney stone.  Seems like my life's just one long string of interactions with medical stuff at the moment.  The follow-up appointment I was meant to have 3 weeks after my op has been cancelled and moved to August, eight weeks after the op.  I am going to be calling their PALS to complain; I had no advice on post-surgery recovery stuff whatsoever, no physio, not even being told how long before I should try stuff or expect to notice improvements, just my arm hacked open with no-one explaining what they were doing and then sent home with plasters that would have been fine if I had a tiny paper cut, but not a four inch wound.

I'm annoyed about that, but I'm not sure I've got the energy to complain.  I might just register locally in my new area and beg that they put me in to see someone as an emergency.

Then there's the ADHD appointment in a couple of weeks.  They make you wait six months and give you about 90 pages of forms to fill out.  I'd have thought most cases could be diagnosed by people not turning up for the assessment.  Still, I need that assessment so I can then fill out yet more forms for DLA and DSA and watch as my pride's turned into a long chain of acronyms and diagnoses.  I can totally see how stuff like this can break your spirit.

Luckily, I'm a bit more resilient than that and have a little bit of fight left in me, but I could really do with a couple of months of good health again.

Daily Mail's New Strap-Line

New Comic

Badger Doesn't Get Out Much | Cute But Sad

Today's been a really good day. A whole wonderful cascade of good news. Most of it's highly secret, so don't ask. :)

Badger's New Home!

After much battling with the internet and invaluable help from Paul and James, Badger has a new home.  Please visit Badger's Web Comic, it'll be updated every Tuesday, and let me know if there's anything broken on the site!

End of part thirty-two.

So, this weekend was the last two days of the thirty-second year of my life. On Friday evening, I spent a very wonderful evening in Shoreditch, drinking Moroccan mint tea, eating curry and freaking myself out with ghost stories at two in the morning. Saturday, I spent my day interpreting at the zoo, standing in with the penguins while they were fed and stroking a skunk in a tipi. In the evening, I went to Duckie and watched Griff win a bump and grind contest with a woman who kicked him squarely in the side of the head and split his scalp with her stiletto heel.

As it was my birthday party, I decided to drive, so I wasn't going to be bladdered by the time I got home. Instead, I gave a lift to a worse for wear friend who kept asking if we could tell he was fucked on drugs. Oh, but we could. Today, I went for a picnic in the park as a seven foot tall bunny, snapped my friend's neck and broke Jonathan's knee.

Now, I'm thirty three.  What's next?

Howard and Badger's College Fund Needs Your Help

Well, it's my birthday on Monday and I got a couple of bits and pieces through the post this morning. They weren't presents, but they were both very welcome. The first was a letter saying I'm finally at the top of the waiting list for the Adult ADHD assessment service at the Maudsley Hospital and the second was the Unconditional Offer from Camberwell College of Art. Awesome stuff, both of them, but it means I've now got to find the money to pay for the course. Since some of you kind people have been asking for ideas for birthday presents for me, how about this, which was Cazz/Fred's idea: you chip in to help me buy a year in college? That way, when anyone asks what you bought me for my birthday, you can say, "I bought Howard his future success and happiness."

Well, if that floats your boat, then here's the paypal button that would help save my soul:

Howard and Badger's College Fund!

Thank you!

That aside, I'm hoping to be able to launch the web comic of Badger next week.  The artwork's ready, I'm just hassling my techie friend to set it all up for me because I know as much about computers as Badger does.

Here's a thought, though - some of the story will take place in Badger's adulthood and that, of course, means he'll be wandering around in London and doing things in Brockley.  What I might just do is let people sponsor the story and in return, you'd get a cameo appearance in the comic, like Erin, Nicola and David did in the book or you could sponsor a location to appear in it.  I'm not talking anything like product placement, more that if you really want to see Badger wandering on his own outside Tate Modern, for instance, then you could donate a little bit of money and know you were giving the lonely little badger somewhere to go.  Obviously, he's very unlikely to have fun, make friends or form any meaningful relationship with anyone or anything, but still, we can try.

Anyway, I'm rambling on a little bit, I'm hoping you're still reading and will be ready for Badger's story to start both right at the beginning and also pick up from where his book left off.  I'll keep you posted, of course, when he's moved to his new home.

Thanks!

Look, MA!

So as of yesterday, I'm a student! Starting in September, I'm doing a Masters' in Visual Art (Illustration) at Camberwell. Exciting, eh?

Monday.

Monday again.  This week, I have nothing more planned than spending hours each day trying to get better with the graphics tablet and prepare the concept art for a collaborative project and try to get all the technical stuff together for Badger's re-launch as an awesome web comic destined to break your heart.  I also want to try (again) to put together some kind of portfolio site for myself and make sure I know what I want to talk about when I have my MA interview this time next week.

Instead, though, I'm finding myself feeling a bit down today.  Having so little money at the moment is a bit of a constant slap in the face.  Although I'm recovering well from the surgery and getting back into shape (hence the photo), my arm's still stiff and the scar is tight and restricts my movement.  I'm also musing about how people interact and how little I'm liking it.

Things I guess I've learned this last week:

1: I find it really awkward to talk to people about their exciting art ideas when they can't articulate what they are or why they're doing them.  I then feel quite guilty that the things I want to do are quite clearly defined and I'm getting on with doing them.

2: I'm growing increasingly impatient with the idea that when you're in a group, you should behave differently to when you're with one other person or on your own.  I used to love the situations where you shout over one another with quotes from obscure TV shows and dig at one another constantly as a mechanism for showing group cohesion and friendship.  I'd rather let people finish their sentence and be honest about what they think, rather than what they can regurgitate from someone else's banter.

3: There really is very little difference between different types of drunks in the park most of the time, but the drug-fucked monkeys out the back of the Vauxhall Tavern are less fun to be around than the gangs of drunks with their cans of red stripe at the ready at 8am in Ravenscourt Park.  At least the red stripe brigade don't try to pretend they're being bohemian.

4: I try really hard to not be a body fascist, a snob or a bully, but I'm not very good at it sometimes.  Particularly when it comes to dealing with who I do and don't fancy.  I'm quite comfortable now with the idea that fitness and stuff is really important to me, personally, and that it's fine if other people don't see it the same way, but I only really fancy guys who are slim, defined or athletic.  I'm wondering if I'm just a bad person that attractiveness seems to just vanish above a certain BMI.

5: I don't mind my own company so much.

Oh.  Yeah, it's June.  I'm feeling older again.  Back to the drawing board.