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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Day I Decided to Stop Hating Myself

Now, you may have seen the lovely article in The Times in which Patrick Muirhead talks about deciding to stop being gay because he saw a little boy's delicate pink fingers holding his daddy's hand. You may also have felt a lot of pity for him because it's quite clear that quite apart from needing to meet the right woman, he really needs to have some help with resolving some of the internalised homophobia he quite clearly struggles with. Well, I say internalised, but the article seems to let it all out quite a lot. In his article being gay isn't to do with having sex with men, it's about liking Barbara Streisand and sleazy interludes with Peter Tatchell.

Okay, so maybe being chased around by Peter Tatchell might be a universal experience for gay men all over the world, but I'm not sure it's an essential trait for being defined as being attracted to men.

It's horribly tawdry of our pilot hero to be sharing information like this. I don't think it really paints him in a good light and I doubt it could do anything to change people's opinions of Peter Tatchell. Is it any wonder that Patrick hasn't found meaningful romance when he's so bitterly gleeful in sharing such supposedly tawdry revelations? It sounds like he enjoys anal sex with a capital b, to me.

Poor guy, I really do feel for him. He's acting out like a child who isn't getting enough attention and cod psychology would suggest perhaps he's got some father issues if he's getting so turned on by tiny pink fingers gripping a workman-like hand and saying that if he got married, he'd still struggle with fidelity because apparently no men are capable of that.

I'd hate to be so disappointed with myself that I'd project that sadness across all of my gender and imagine that my salvation would come by bringing another life into the world I find so utterly colourless. I think I'd be terrified if I were the woman he mentions in this article. He's already planning me being pregnant and him cheating on me even though nothing more than furtive smiles has happened so far.

Patrick, the issues you have with your sexuality are issues you have with yourself. You clearly need to let go of whatever it is you're chaining yourself to that has left you so abjectly guilt-ridden about your behaviour that you think you have to delete everything you've been and take such clumsy swipes at everyone who you think is like the you you hate so much. Your ten-year relationship failed. This happens to all kinds of people, for all kinds of reasons. It's okay; let it go.

You don't need to disappear with a POOF! and appear like a phoenix bursting from a wedding cake to show you can move on.

3 comments:

Dyl said...

Nicely said.

thecatwithnotail said...

What Dyl said.

I was pretty startled by his "aww kiddies - wow - imma straight now!" conclusions.

Anonymous said...

It's a truly wonderful article. Tbh, I would be prepared to believe that he isn't/was never gay at all and he is just a homophobe pretending that he was gay so he can right guff like this.

Imagine if Jan Moir dipped her toe into writing about this subject and wrote this article - there'd be uproar (again). But if a self-hating "possibly not gay anymore" wants to write it? Fine.

So many homophobic cliches, it would do fine printed in the Daily Mail. Ugh.