Please stop sending me campaign material for the upcoming election. No-one in my household will be voting for the Conservatives and you're sending through about three to five items a week, which is really wasteful and in itself has proved how shallow your commitment to environmental issues is. The paper used is bleached and glossy; that seems really irresponsible.
Please don't put anything further through my letterbox and do not contact my household to campaign for the election. We will not be voting for you, so save your time and the environment.
And their ominous automated response?
"Thank you for contacting the Conservative Party. Someone will be in touch soon."
If I get another mailshot with my name on it, I'm pulling data protection on them because I specifically requested in my last letter to the central party that they stopped contacting me by post. This is to try to stop them putting flyers through my door, which perhaps is less straightforward.
God help anyone who knocks on our door when I'm in.